It started one Sunday at church, a trio of musicians came and performed. Two of them were male, one who brandished an acoustic guitar while the other held a microphone. Between them was a female who braided her hair in such a way that she would look like a daughter of an Indian chief but at the same time a brilliant looking Jamaican. When it was time for them to perform, I noticed that two of them had the look of arrogance, which made me feel a little bit annoyed. The girl, on the other hand, seemed to present herself well, despite the smugness displayed by her companions. They sang their set of songs. and everyone was pleased by the way their voices sounded, as they blended and seemed to come together with each song that they performed. I on the other hand, was just sitting there and looking all around to see everyone's faces as they were serenaded by the group. The crowd looked as they watched them perform. It was as if it was the first time they heard a trio singing in harmony and complementing each other. I was a little bit tickled at the way the crowd around me were reacting to each song. I was drifting off in the sea of people making funny gestures and extraordinary pictures with their faces. I was completely unaware of the performers as I watched the audience in silly harmony, each doing their own version of emotions but in sync with everyone else. Until I heard a voice, suddenly breaking through the crowd, a voice which filled me in an inexplicable way. As I slowly turned my attention towards the performers. There she was, singing as if she was the only one in that room. I felt a tingling at the base of my spine, each time she opened her mouth, words seemed to dance around and make a beautiful melody. I tried to shake off the feeling, but with no success. I tried not to look at her intently, but her voice made me lose all of my logic and made me helpless; compelling me to focus all of my attention on her. I didn't care about the people around me anymore I felt like I was one of them, the object of my earlier ridicule. And as I continued to look at her, it's as if everything melted away, the sound of the music, the sound of the people at the back who was not really interested but discussing what their plans are after the function. And then I found myself again, alone with her, I could only hear her voice clearly. Like an angel, her face so full of welcome, her voice intoxicating, I've never felt anything like this before. I came back to reality after her song was finished and everyone seemed to fade in again as they made a sound of appreciation with their hands. I was the only one on my feet and giving them my applause of fascination and appreciation. In my mind I would like to get to know her badly and would love to be a part of her interesting life. She was just perfect. "She's the one", I told myself. And so I had a chance to get to know her, I became a part of their group, and was one of them, front and center, singing and performing. We were invited a lot to different functions and we got to spend some time together during rehearsals and performances with the group. I was really so excited seeing her, and singing with her and at times I get to hug her before and after some performances, after all, we were in the same faith. Two years past and I still had no courage telling her how I felt. I really do not know how to say it to her, I was not an expert in that field. So like any other band, I got to see her and perform at her side with much hope and longing, but there was this inevitable thing that occurs with each band, we got tired of each other. One by one each one would like a chance to steal the crowd and make a name for themselves. And it was during those times that I saw her interest focus on a guy who had already promised to marry someone else �" someone who was outside the country. I watched her fall head over heels with this guy and tried to warn her about the other girl coming back. After all I was a good friend with her, but I was ignored, she still went through with it. Until one Sunday, the other girl came home and in an instant, she was ignored. I can still remember her face when she saw him across the crowd and waved at him with much expectation then when she was halfway to the crowd to meet him, another girl held his hand and hugged him and he hugged back. She stopped in the middle of the crowd, and slowly lost her wonderful smile, and then forced herself to look at the floor. She turned to her left side headed to the door and disappeared. I made a feeble attempt to follow her and thought of ways of comforting her, but when I got to the gate she was gone. I then decided to wait a couple of months just to see if she was doing ok and ask her to go out with me. Despite the warnings of my fellow band mates not to pursue her. I remember one of them harshly commented on my age saying, “she's too young for youâ€. But actually I was only 7 years older. So I finally asked her for a date, I said we would eat at Fridays. We met up somewhere at an LRT station and that's when she told me that she was engaged to a guy who was 12 years older than her.
Pretty much my whole world caved in right then and there. I would have told her that the date was not a good idea, but I decided to push on with the date. A lot has happened during the short trip towards the restaurant like me forgetting where I placed my ticket to the train, or almost falling off the sidewalk. There were a lot of things going through my mind. We ate and tried to have much fun together, but deep inside, I had wished that I had died. After the meal we went our separate ways and I was left with nothing but an empty hole. A couple of years passed and they got married. And the band also was dissolved, it's funny that I also got to sing at their wedding, and I hated it when some of my superficial friends told me that I had put a lot of emotion to the songs that I sung. If only they had known how I tried to suppressed the war raging on inside me
"...And friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them. And a friend will not say never if the welcome will not end..." i used to believe this phrase when i was younger. And yet as time passes by, when these so-called friends finally gets a job, or when they move to another city or another country, they simply forget what they have left behind. All of my so-called friends went and seem to forget that they had once had someone to have a good time with, a good laugh and companionship during those times when they mostly feel bad about what's been happening to them and their families. I understand that they have to move on and deal with their new found life and continue on and become better with what they do. I am not mad at my friends personally but now i understand that, in order for us to live we must leave things in the past and deal with what we have now and make it your own. Do the best with what you have and take care of yourself. In the end, friends are only there whenever they are in close proximity. Other than that you are on your own...
one month of undisturbed slumber! what a wonderful feeling! i wanna thank one of me trusted, and still single friend (ladies, be on the look out for this guy), Kevin. yes, thanks kev's for letting me bantay your house while you were out of the country, i really had plenty of rest (and free internet surfing and cable, hehehe) during the months and for the first time this year, i had a whole month with no tardy days at work. just want to re-iterate that if you are going out of the country again i will be available and be more than willing to look after your place again. just text me. thanks!
funny how time passes even when you are not having fun. yes, four years have passed and still i am at this job that i do 5 days a week, 9 hrs a day (including lunch time that is not payed). well, i'm not saying that i do not enjoy this job i have, but just to point out, it took me nearly four years to enter another level with my current work and i am not going to sit around and wait another 4 years to get to the next level. it's true that i lack some educational background that is needed for me to have a promotion but who knows? i believe i've already completed a month without any lates or absences (and yes, i used to be fond of being tardy or at least have 1 day that i skip work just to say that i am able to maximize my sick leaves for the year). i want to start a new trend this year (and i hope i wont give up so easily). i know that you can not gain anything by being lazy and laid back when it comes to making a living. i wanna be able to accomplish something in my life (at least at the work place) so that i can look back and say to myself that i had accomplished something that is worthwhile. let me put it this way, i'm 34 and im a college drop out, my singing career is, i believe not going to push through (including the long overdue "indy album" that should have come out several years ago) and i am still single (still clueless when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex). and so, i will have to do some sacrifices and be able to accomplish these simple goals in my life so that i would be, in a kind of way, say to myself, that i have not totally waisted this life that i borrowed. so, God give me strength!
time has given me a lot to think about the way we spend it together there have been moments when i thought that we have connected only for several accounts in our random meetings 15 minutes are not enough for us to be fraternizing and in those moments i have grown fond of you i even thought wonderful things about you and i thoughts that can only be satisfied by you, and knowing that you felt what i was feeling too but these feelings are not mine to possess, no, not just yet still i am weakened and left powerless betrayed by my insecurities you seemed so close yet too far a sense of belongingness comes to me whenever your eyes graces mine those two little jewels that keeps on mesmerizing me and seem to touch my soul a jolt of happiness embraces my heart whenever you acknowledge my little smiles makes me wonder if i am alone with this ...should i take action? ...should i step forward? ...should i take the leap? simple as it is to others but this is a mountain for me only time will tell... only time will heal... only time... if there is still time... i would... i... you...
What's happening with the music industry today? I mean look at where it's heading. What happened to God given talent? It seems that media is always going for the better looking, less talented "hot and sexy" tight, "what the F@#$K" (pardon my French) hanep sa ganda o guwapo tao to mentality. While people, who has the natural born "talent" is most likely restricted to karaoke, cr concerts, special numbers, are left out in the cold, with no one to share their gifts with (except inside the church or a private gatherings like weddings) are always neglected and set aside. All are seemed to be focused with what they see, that's media I guess. And there is nothing that these talented people who are less attractive, somewhat physically challenged could ever do to compete with these so called gods and goddesses of the screen. I'm not saying that I am one of these people cause I do believe that I have a lot to learn when it comes to singing and performing. My only cry is that these people would be given a chance to showcase their talents and be given a chance to express themselves and enjoy what they were born to do. I sure wish people would come to notice these things cause talent can be nurtured more only if they were given a chance to prove themselves and be in the spot light for a change.
waaaaaaaaaaaaa! just want to shout out that i finally decided to move out of the bird's house and start to live alone on a house that i am going to rent and maintain, i hope i can though. i am both excited and scared though!
have you ever been so fed up with a lot of things that are so close to your life that you sometimes just want to throw them all the way? have you ever felt so disgusted with the things you see eveyday? have you ever felt so dizzy with people that you meet, you greet, you go out with, people that ask simple things, people that just won't leave you alone. i do. alot of times i just want to vanish in front of them, or simply float away in the distance never to be seen again. or if i could only have one of those invisibility cloaks that harry potter has in possession, when he just wanted to get away with the croud, unnoticed or just look at the mirror and see what your heart's desire (like him seeing his parents when truth is, he could never ever talk to tem again) or better yet, be like "atom" who, by the twist of a knob could make himself so small that even a microscope couldn't see him. isnt there a way to just go away or just change your identity, be in a place where no one knows who you are and start over. i also get easily tired of people questioning me about my love life, which obviously i lack, and not planning to have one and i'm really proud of it. even my little sister thinks that i have given up on her, when in fact i was just teaching her that life isn't fair abnd that she has consequences to face, whenever she commits a mistake. all i really wanted for her is to understand, and realize how much harder life would be if she would face it alone. i just simlpy wish people would stop asking and start mindin their own. but then again, life seems to inflict upon us that man needs someone to rely on. why can't we just live alone? why cant we just scurry about our own lives not pickin on others, while in reality these people who stick their necks with others, seem not to notice anything about themselves, the cancer that has been eating their very existence. why not find a cure to your own, before mending others. oh if you people just leave me alone and let me be...
just because you dislike somebody, you'd do anything in your power to get rid of them? - why then do you notice the speck in your brother's eyes when in fact, the plank in front of you, hides you from the truth that's just inches away from your face.
just because somebody who has wronged you, has asked forgiveness from you, whom you'd accepeted completely, still long to one day seek revenge, find a way to accuse and ridicule, ten folds over, and never feel remorse. - remember, seventy times seven.
just because someone new, outside the colony had stepped over and is doing a good enough job, seemed to be outshining you, caused you to be jelous, somehow you think, you have stayed long enough, and declared to yourself, "i have sacrificed alot, i've endured too much, 'why should i listen, newcomer'?". - fools to shame the wise.
just because you have the ability, the talent, the resources. you'd start hording things to yourself, disregarding those whom deserve recognition, a piece of the pie. instead you ignore these extraordinary gifts. you think you could do a better job than the others. - there is no "I" in team.
just because you think you can run faster, you'd slack around and wait for the turtle. when in fact, the turtle had outsmarted you again, and again, and again.
just because achievements dictate what kind of future you ought to have, youd forget the little things that is really the reason why you hold your head up high and keeps you on your toes. - the first shall be last and the last shall be first...
earlier, around 7ish. i was in a wedding. ate emie's wedding. it was really strange, cause it was the first time i sang at a wedding that actually started on time. and during the 14 years that i've been singing in weddings, this was a first. a break through. (hehehe) anyways, we all had fun. ida, john, kaligay, moks, jen, miki and the rest of the gang was there. okay, let's get to the point... what are things that i miss?
1st, singing special songs during church. i know i can do it every sunday kaya lang, dahil tamad ako, hindi ko nagagawa.
2nd, manood ng sine na nag-iisa lang. well, after work. am too tired na to watch a movie. well if you work from 145 til 1045 in the morning youll probably understand.
3rd, making flash movies for fullcup. well, maybe next year i'd be able to. kasi john would buy a computer para sa house. i hope i could buy the monitor.
4th, mag-exercise! oo! i used to love making out, este working-out pala. several years ago i would jog around the academic oval with john and the old ones (hehe)
5th, band practice at church. yes! next year i'll be able to come to practice. yes! and sing songs again!
6th, playing CS with the gang. i gunnig down my friends over and over and over and over and over... till my battery dies...
7th, blogging. ehehe. no need to explain any further.
and most of all, i really miss my mom... :(
well, i usually would mope around for a month or two pero, i know that i still have a mom and dad here (bossing and mom shirley). just want to thank them for what they had done for me and nine. kung wala siguro sila, i really don't know what to do. and ofcourse, syempre the Lord God Almighty!
